Fear of Abandonment and Your Body

Fear of abandonment is a psychological trait that a person feels when they have specific combinations of imbalances in the body. There are many ways the fear of abandonment can manifest in the lives of the people who are inclined this way. Here are the reasons for feeling fear of abandonment:

specific patterns of nutrient deficiencies

organ and endocrine disorders

brain chemicals

The Mother of Fear

In Chinese medicine the liver is the General in Charge of Defense. The heart is the House of the Spirit. When there is a feeling of abandonment, there is first a challenge with the liver and then the heart. In the hierarchy of Chinese medicine the liver is the mother of the heart. If the liver is deficient in energy, then the heart isn’t supported. Eventually the heart will be compromised.

Hold down the Fort- I’m Going Out

Symbolically the liver is a fort, and if its a strong fort, then it has the energy of wanting to protect the person owning it. A healthy liver is intuitively secure with the strength of its defense, When this defense is solid, they can go out into the world and be ambitious, supportive of others, be a benefactor, share, and be enthusiastic. Strong liver people are strong leaders, and can direct people.

I Am All That and You Rock

Symbolically the heart is the house of the spirit. A strong heart loves oneself first, and in so doing, easily and sincerely enjoys, likes, loves and accepts others.

Not too much- not too little- but JUST RIGHT

Now we will look at the concept of fear of abandonment through the nutritional balance of the body. Magnesium is a mineral in the body that maintains a healthy amount of tension. Magnesium is a fascinating mineral. When it is being used properly, it keeps the muscular component of the body in balanced state of contraction, not too much and not too little. This keeps the body balanced with any demands and ready to either respond effectively or relax if necessary.

A balanced love stands on its own two feet. With a healthy heart there is a solid foundation, with a reservoir of love to draw from. YES.

En Guard!

With balanced magnesium in the liver you will have a healthy level of tension. It’s like having guards for your defense. Even if they are sitting around playing cards, they are capable of responding at a moments notice. When a person is stressed, the liver dumps blood into the bloodstream, and fluid into the lymphatics. However, the liver will not do this if all the guards are sleeping (when there is not enough magnesium). Magnesium enables the liver to be a quick responder when it’s necessary. Magnesium also allows the body to relax and be intuitive. A great martial arts fighter is ready with a certain amount of tension, yet relaxed to let the intuition flow and respond almost instantaneously. Smoothly.

I’ll Huff and I’ll Puff and I’ll Blow Your Façade Down

If the liver doesn’t adequately use magnesium, the person will never feel like they have a solid foundation. The fort is weak. When the liver senses that the fort is weak, the person will feel an inner weakness. An insecurity that makes them sensitive to physical demands as well as criticism and even potential threats. The liver will compensate to give the impression of strength and capablity, like a puffer fish, but all the while there is a feeling of vulnerability. No one will see that they are inadequate, but they will feel inadequate.

I Love Me- I Love Me Not

Magnesium also plays a key role in the physical and psychological health of the heart. With balanced magnesium utilization, the heart also maintains a healthy level of tension in its muscle. When challenged, the healthy heart enables the person to move from a place of love. This allows the person to relax with the stress and confrontations of daily life knowing that they are living according to spirit. When magnesium is not used effectively by the heart, they will never have enough strength to see the quality of themselves.

The One- Two Punch

1. The liver-magnesium imbalance creates vulnerability.

2. The heart-magnesium imbalance produces instability in relationships. AKA- I’m vulnerable! Don’t leave me!

Homeopathics: How to Read Them

The homeopathic remedies that address fear of abandonment are all magnesium based. When deciphering homeopathic combinations, look at the first mineral in the pairing, in this case Mag for magnesium. This is the subject or dominant insecurity for the symptom pattern, in this case abandonment.

The second mineral in the pairing represents how the insecurity (fear of abandonment) is played out.

Homeopathic Remedies for Fear of Abandonment

Go To Guy- Go To Gal with Strings

Mag Phos: This is the good samaritan, they will drop everything to do something for someone else. There are no limits, and they are very supportive. It is by their benevolence they feel assured they will not be abandoned.

As an example a Mag Phos farmer worked hard for years and years supporting, raising and educating his child to work the farm. There was a built-in tacit expectation. This individual wanted his son to take over the farm business, and when his son did not choose to do this, the Mag Phos father broke off all contact with him. The Mag Phos sacrificed everything to insure that he would not be abandoned, and when his expectation failed, he abandoned the object of his benevolence. Mag Phos individuals will generally groom their relationships to acutally support them and eventually remove them from the burden of their fear oriented actions.

I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can

Mag Carb: With a Mag Carb there are guidelines and rules that the individual must exercise in insure their position in a relationship. The perfect meals, home environment, working environment, schedules, cleanliness, and order are essential for maintaining the security they fear they might lose.

Here is a case history of a Mag Carb individual. This woman being motivated by rules and guidelines in order to insure not being abandoned, would get all five of her children dressed neatly and lined up from tall to short at the door ready to greet her husband when he returned home after work. She would have his favorite drink in her hand, and give it to him as he walked through the door. Dinner would be ready and waiting at the table. When the family sat down to eat and the Mag Carb individual started to relax, the arguing would start. From her point of view she had done everything "right", so everything should be perfect. There was so much tension making everything perfect, that now she was depleted of energy, and extra sensitive to criticism. The Mag Carb personality feels like they are being rejected if things are not percieved perfectly. The husband didn't comment on the dinner or compliment her effect on the children or the neatness of the house. For her, this was an indicator that she might be failing and would lash out in argument over matters that didn't pretain to her. The husband was late, the newspaper wan't delivered today, he forgot to call her during the day, he seems to be in a bad mood or uninerested in making conversation.

I am very familiar with Mag Carb, because I've been one! I have always thought I had the gift of being the "perfect" partner to someone. How could anyone not love me, (or ever want to leave me) because I know what to do to make everything perfect?! Wrong! It takes two, and unless you're living with a Phosphorus personality- fahgettaboutit! It's disillusioning to realize that your "gifts" can't cut the mustard- but it's liberating to.

Got Guru?

Mag Sulph: Sulphur relates to the conduit of intelligence, wisdom and all-knowing. They know everything and have all the answers before you. They are the renaissance humans. They can do everything, but don’t do anything. They are the armchair philosopher, not because they are lazy, but because they are physically weak by nature. They feel tired inside. They have an intelligent awareness, and a mystical connection which is a coverup for the weakness that they feel within. It’s a common “guru” remedy. In relationship, their intelligence and knowing guarantees their stability. Why would anyone lucky enough to be with someone so intellectually engaging ever leave them?

Lots of Pain-Not Much Gain

Mag Mur: When a homeopathic remedy ends with Mur, it is about struggle, hardship and very little return. It’s like the philosophy of “No pain-no gain”, but it plays out as “Pain paid-what gain?” In the lyrics of “Did I Shave My Legs For This?” The man is the Mag Mur. He works hard when he works and doesn’t deserve a double wide trailer. While sitting in front of the TV to escape the discomfort of his life, he wants his partner to bring him another beer. Life is tough and in order to survive a relationship he must be with someone who understands this and sympathizes with him. He wants his partner to partake in the difficulties and struggle with him. Together they might be able to escape the limits of their discomfort. He tells her to go back to school. He has all the reasons why life is tough and knows how to solve some of them, yet, ultimately he created the problems! Eventually these Mag Mur’s get abandoned. They must! It is the only way they can continue the pain of their perception.